Brian came home and said he was obsessed with a BeeGee's song
But he couldn't remember what it was called. He said, "You know. The one that's always playing at the C-Town (our crappy local supermarket)."

He began trolling the internet looking for answers. But he wasn't finding any.

He said, "It's like, "Ahh-hhaa-hhaa-hhaaah... Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah."

I said, "Are you sure it was the BeeGees? It might be Andy Gibb. Solo."

Sure enough, it was "I Just Want to Be Your Everything."

We played the song and and danced and laughed as Max bopped up and down."

I said, "I don't think I ever told anyone this ... probably because it is too stupid, but I remember when Andy Gibb died, I was in fourth or fifth grade, and this girl, Allison ... I can't remember her last name, but she was kind of trashy, she came into school and was crying. She told me that Andy Gibb was a close friend of the family. That she called him Uncle Andy.

She said something trite about how she couldn't believe he was dead. There were actual tears in her eyes. She had a blunt blonde bob hair cut. She wore sparkly My Little Pony Shirts. And had dirty fingernails.

I remember seeing her tears and thinking "She's so full of sh*t." I may have actually thougth this, because we used a lot of curses in my house growing up."

Allison's dad was probably one of those guys who lived on a house boat. He probably sported a tattoo of an anchor or a hula girl.I don't think I ever met him, but I imagied him with a mug full of rum and a mouth full of blue language that made young people feel confused and awkward. I bet he had a pet alligator named Ray.

There was just no way. No way that her trashy Cap'n dad was BFF with Andy Gibb of the BeeGees. Even now, I know in my heart that Allison Whatshername with the dirty fingernails was lying.

After thinking about this, I looked up Uncle Andy on Wikipedia. I was shocked to learn that Andy Gibb had actually taken up residence in Miami in the late 70s, where he actually produced his first hit outside of Australia, "I Just Want to Be Your Everything."

No way. The song was released in 1976. He died in 1988. Uncle Andy my-denim-booted-foot! He and Cap'n Allison's Dad were not best friends. Maybe they met one day at a bar. A bar that served cocaine. No. She is full of sh*t. I just know it.